She knows he won’t understand
He isn’t ready to know anyway
Tho, She is angry like an impatient toddler, She is wiser
Disarmingly, burning with intensity
Her heart races on auto pilot
As Shes loses control
The madness is euphoric
Her soul knows
In ways unexplainable
To anyone else
That which she desires Is greater than any physical need
She may be waiting forever
But her heart has been his to do with as he will.
It is so much more than animalistic urges
It feels so right that at times
He leaves her mentally sated
She knows what it feels like to have him under her skin
Her Obsession; Her drug
What She craves, She must obtain.
Some nights drain her
Others, evoke recollection to commit to patience.
Trusting it will be worth it when She climbs up and over what She once thought She had to break in order to silence what haunts him
Faith in what is.
And what will be in their story together
Where on lonely nights the last wish to
cross her lips before She sleeps
.. is to have his heart fully.
Can I go back to 1979? When We rode our bikes, played in the field til dark, Had dirt clod and olive wars, hung out with the people who knew us at our CORE. When we didn’t have a care in the world, but hating when the street lights came on…. Yeah, that’s where I’d like to be right now. Being an adult is NOT where I want to be right now. I wouldn’t be worried about my health, my love life, my finances, my mental health…. I would be so free. Yes, take me back to 1979… Even in my dreams… Innocence lost.
There’s a bigger picture.
For 16 years, I have wanted my own business. I never quite knew what I wanted to do though. I hadn’t learned what I was good at yet. I tried a Data Entry business and lacked the discipline needed to get up and go to a desk job every day. I learned bookkeeping at various jobs and always had a fascination to keep track of other people’s money. Then, I began working with special needs communities. I fell in love with it, and knew right away, it was a passion.. Something I could do well…. Some days were challenging, but most were rewarding. I had found a calling. My First passion.
When I came to Texas, I learned how to create goals.. I continued with the special needs community and as well had received compliments on photos and then the photo bug bit me…. I was hooked. Not so much on the actual photography as I was developing my editing skills. I began photography classes. I began receiving payments for my newly discovered Second passion….I worked endless hours to develop those skills…And after a 4.5 year hiatus, I continue to do so.
I began to have a vision of combining my two passions. That is when I found my niche. I want to photograph the special needs community. I want to fill a need for a patient, loving, compassionate photographer who has a passion for this community and sees the beauty in these amazing souls.
Well, I have decided to make this a reality or at the very least, be able to earn a comfortable income in addition to my current job and wish my business to grow over time. I will keep pushing forward.
And, I want YOU right there with me.
You may never love me the same as I love you, but please do not think for a minute, that I do not want to be a part of your life. I have made myself clear on numerous occasions, and as many who know me can attest, I truly want things to work with you. I have a dream and want you to be a part of that dream. I have to do what I set out to do in 2010 when my life exploded.
Is it conceivable, you could ever show your appreciation by supporting my venture and even getting involved?
It doesn’t matter if you think my work is good or not, CUZ I don’t care. I want my own business and I am ready to try again. You have been my best friend for a while now, and I crave your company. I have from the very first night we met and the first time you kissed me.
Could you support me because of me and maybe it could turn out that may be a way to love with out loving. I have dreams and had decided long ago, I wanted you to be a part of them.
Let me show you how to play again. We can hep each other through those nightmares of our past. I want to have fun again. With you. I found my truest self being with you, because through our trials, I had to dig deep and go find me again to deal with the times I felt ignored even though I knew you couldn’t help it sometimes. I want you. I think deep down inside you know this to be true, as do I, but we are both scared.
I won’t change who I am at my core, and I don’t want to change you at your core.We will always be who we are. I am trying to be your best friend, and it’s not easy when I want so much more.One of the hardest things I have faced following divorce.
The easy way out for either of us is to stop, and yet, we are still here. So before you perceive me to not want to be here….. Show me you want me here. I have shown my love time and again…Tell me how to help you heal, and feel again?
The one who wants your heart
Montana Sky Eyes
I am extremely saddened to be posting this today, but I have volunteered to be the messenger.On October 20th this past week, Pam Manley passed away. I began a journey with her 3 years ago when she lost her son, Adrian (Dei) when he took his own life. I am not sure what to say and how to say it, but a dear friend told me this morning to be sincere, like I always am. I thank him for those words. It seems to make it a little easier. I will try to relay the information the best I can. On the 14th, I received a text from her daughter that she had gone into the hospital with very high ammonia levels in her blood. She was very weak and not able to fight the infections. She had severe liver damage and her kidneys shut down. She was on life support for several days. It was decided to take her off life support on the 20th. Pam and I became very close after the death of her son and also the death of Amanda, my son’s best friend. She really had a tough time coping and coming back from this event in her life, and did not seem to be taking care of herself. Some of us who were close to her, knew she was ill, but she was trying to hide/mask it so no one would worry about her. Well, her body became too tired and shut down. The way I see it, and many others, is that she is now with her son Adrian and her mother as well, and anyone else she has lost or hoped to be with once again. She is no longer in any pain emotionally, mentally, or physically. She can rest now. She can finally sleep. Those sleepless nights are gone. There were no formal services held for her. Her family had a small service of their own and she will be cremated. Adrian is buried in their hometown, and this summer, her daughter will take her ashes to the same location and spread her ashes there where Adrian (Dei) is. This is where she wanted to be, with her son. They will be together again. Please pray for her family during this difficult time. Well, I guess that is all I can say right now. Please know she found her peace. We will never forget her and the impact she had on all of our lives. She was a very special lady and can finally rest.. Rest in Paradise Miss Montana Sky Eyes..