Montana Sky Eyes


Montana Sky Eyes

I am extremely saddened to be posting this today, but I have volunteered to be the messenger.On October 20th this past week, Pam Manley passed away. I began a journey with her 3 years ago when she lost her son, Adrian (Dei) when he took his own life. I am not sure what to say and how to say it, but a dear friend told me this morning to be sincere, like I always am. I thank him for those words. It seems to make it a little easier. I will try to relay the information the best I can. On the 14th, I received a text from her daughter that she had gone into the hospital with very high ammonia levels in her blood. She was very weak and not able to fight the infections. She had severe liver damage and her kidneys shut down. She was on life support for several days. It was decided to take her off life support on the 20th. Pam and I became very close after the death of her son and also the death of Amanda, my son’s best friend. She really had a tough time coping and coming back from this event in her life, and did not seem to be taking care of herself. Some of us who were close to her, knew she was ill, but she was trying to hide/mask it so no one would worry about her. Well, her body became too tired and shut down. The way I see it, and many others, is that she is now with her son Adrian and her mother as well, and anyone else she has lost or hoped to be with once again. She is no longer in any pain emotionally, mentally, or physically. She can rest now. She can finally sleep. Those sleepless nights are gone. There were no formal services held for her. Her family had a small service of their own and she will be cremated. Adrian is buried in their hometown, and this summer, her daughter will take her ashes to the same location and spread her ashes there where Adrian (Dei) is. This is where she wanted to be, with her son. They will be together again. Please pray for her family during this difficult time. Well, I guess that is all I can say right now. Please know she found her peace. We will never forget her and the impact she had on all of our lives. She was a very special lady and can finally rest.. Rest in Paradise Miss Montana Sky Eyes..


Bittersweet Spring 2011

Bittersweet Spring 2011

As I look back at pictures I took a couple of weekends ago, I feel such a bittersweet emotion coming from deep in my heart. It has been 6 months since we lost Amanda and Adrian. I know many of us think about them daily and always will. They will never be forgotten and sweet memories surround us, but as I watched Danielle playing in the lake, I saw that she has reached a place of peace after the tragedies. It was nice to see her smile again. I, in turn, felt peace knowing this. I also felt peace knowing that as the sun set, Amanda and Adrian were watching over us. I could feel them in the beautiful sky on this evening.  Please enjoy the pictures in this slide. It was a bittersweet start to our spring/summer, but it will go on. For all of you that has lost someone close, time is the hardest thing to wait for, but time will heal eventually. Love to Pam and Irene, I wrote this for you.

Bittersweet Spring 2011



In Memory of Mandy and Dei


Dear Friend,

In recent weeks our community has lost 2 teens to suicide. My kids were very close to both teens.

We are all forever changed by this tragic event. My hope is that through education and awareness, those suffering will be prompted to seek help. This year, I will be participating in the Out of The Darkness Community Walk for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Funds from this event will fund education and research programs for those who have lost a loved one to suicide. Last year, the community walks raised over $4.2 million. This year, our goal in $5 million.

I will be joining with thousands of people nationwide to walk in AFSP’s San Antonio WalkOut of the Darkness Community Walk to benefit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I would appreciate any support that you give me for this worthwhile cause.

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is at the forefront of research, education and prevention initiatives designed to reduce loss of life from suicide. With more than 33,000 lives lost each year in the U.S. and over one million worldwide, the importance of AFSP’s mission has never been greater, nor our work more urgent.

I hope you will consider supporting my participation in this event. Any contribution will help the work of AFSP, and all donations are 100% tax deductible.

Trying to Find a Peice of Normalcy

Today was Adrian’s funeral. So many of his friends were there. It was hopefully the beginning of the end of this nightmare we have all faced. Now we have to mend and heal and try to get back to normal. I know things will never quite be the same, but we need to move on. I will think of these loved ones everyday along with the other losses I have faced in my life. Anyone I have ever lost has a special place in my heart and will never be forgotten.


Paws on the Patio

Paws on the Patio


In an attempt to find some normalcy, several of us went to Paws on the Patio in Helotes today after the service. It was a gorgeous day and it was just nice to be out and about with each other. We enjoyed company of new friends we have made this past 2 weeks. We have begun to heal. It will take awhile, but things WILL get better.

Love and Peace to you all.

©2010 T.I.E.

Postcards to Amanda

As we all try to cope with the loss of Amanda, we are all grieving and remembering her in our own ways. As I turned in for the night last night, I guess my husband had spent some private time to reflect on the week’s events. He showed me the result of that this afternoon and said I can share it with all of you. There is a picture to go with this of Amanda wearing Ken’s Laker’s hat. She hated the Lakers! But I caught the moment with my camera and got a shot before she got the hat off.The kids (all of them) always gave Ken such a hard time about the Lakers. This picture of Amanda is very special to my husband now and since he shared with me and allowed me to share with you I think it will help with some healing.


Amanda in Laker's Hat



Dearest Amanda,

It rained the day you left us,

A downpour that

Mingled with my tears.

The heavens openly wept.

The grey sky mirrored

My ashen face,

Expressionless and drained.

Drained of color

That pale, blind eyes

Can no longer

Register or understand.

Dearest Amanda,

The blackness of the void

That your absence created

Was lighted briefly.

Candle flames

Shone your memory,

All too briefly.

And made the resulting

Blackness around me

That much darker.

The night shuddered violently.

Dearest Amanda,

The sun shone brightly

The day we said goodbye.

Warming slightly

The chill from my heart,

That your absence has

Left behind.

The weather is beautiful.

Wish you were here.

You will always be beautiful.

Wish you were here.


on a dark day

A Friend Close By

Once again, I was looking through old memories and came across a poem I wrote 25 years ago almost to the day. I want to share it at this time with so many of us grieving and mourning the loss of our dear friend Amanda. I did not know  years ago that what I would do and say would turn out to be so relevant 25 years later in my life, and that I would use those memories to hopefully help someone else deal with the loss of a loved one.

A Friend Close By

Don’t throw your life away

It’s not fair

To put friends and family

To blame

Problems can be solved


But it takes time

Before things are the same

Think first

Maybe you will know

It hurts to hear

That you’ve left life

And put pain in many hearts

Please believe that life

Isn’t something to toss away

And if you need help

Talk to someone


You’ll always have a

Friend close by

©9/18/85 By Becky~Lou